When he’s not around, I just can’t breathe! I do not know what to do, all my thoughts are occupied by him and only him! Sometimes, when we see each other – I’m as if on top of bliss, feelings overwhelm me, it’s a delight! But I have so little of it!
I have tantrums, yes. He leaves again – everything repeats again, I feel bad, hard, sometimes shakes me, I can’t sleep normally. And all life is like a swing, now up and down. I’m very tired….
… When she is nearby – I just have a surge of energy, a fountain of enthusiasm, I can do anything, I’m ready to roll mountains! But as soon as she is not around – weakness, apathy, lethargy, I do not want anything. I constantly think about her. And even when I know that we will not see each other today, I continue to fantasize how good it would be if we spent this evening together …
And sometimes, when she is nearby – it suddenly seems to me that the feelings have passed, and I begin to even feel disgust for her. And I feel sick, unable to live a full life. And at the same time, I’m not ready to give it up ….
More often than not, this is the sound of the recognition of those who are addicted to love. What is it based on?
Any dependence is formed when something is sorely lacking for us. As a rule, a person lives without this for years, but vaguely understands that something is wrong, that he is deprived of something important. And then this important thing suddenly comes, and the person rushes into this experience with all his might, feeling that this is what he has been deprived of for so long. And if dependence arises from relationships, it does not occur to a person to think about how adequate they are.
After all, relationships are not alcohol, not drugs, society does not condemn them, relationships are not food in huge quantities, and no one will condemn you for extra pounds. Relationships are not a game in an underground casino, they themselves are considered normal, and therefore they often begin to suspect love dependence only when the situation really takes a very sad and painful turn.
Love addiction. Signs
How to recognize love addiction?
The lack of one’s own life, the complete depreciation of one’s own interests, the constant focus on the partner, the inability to be alone with oneself in a calm state, constant thoughts and fantasies about the object.
Relationships are not developing. As a rule, they rotate according to several scenarios, which are always repeated with variations, even if people live together.
The increase in tolerance, that is, the “dose” of attention that suited earlier, ceases to suit, you always want more, and this thirst is no longer satisfied, even if the attraction was initially mutual. “Together – bad, apart – bad” – this is the condition to which addicts often come.
The appearance (or aggravation) of such symptoms: weakness, increased anxiety, depression, or vice versa, poorly controlled and constant emotional arousal, tension, poor sleep, mood swings, exacerbation of chronic diseases.
We will deal with each group of signs of love in order.
Because of love and dependence comes emptiness inside? Some of the consultations say that before they became addicted to love, they led a full-fledged lifestyle – talking with friends, working, having hobbies, traveling to travel or attending some kind of cultural events , in general, led a normal, and in general, not a boring life.
But I almost never can believe that. How so – all that was important to you, suddenly depreciated completely? Has ceased to give even crumbs of pleasure and energy? Friends and girlfriends remained only as a “vest” (and more often – they slowly run away, because no one wants to hear about the same thing all the time), work was suddenly disgusting, hobbies ceased to matter …
Everything that was important turned out to be abandoned and forgotten overnight? Then ask your own question – was it really important?
Could the important one actually end up in the trash in a couple of months, or even a week? It turns out that there were no real friends, no “dream job”, nor an exciting hobby. More precisely – were “for show”. There was some kind of surrogate, visibility. But all this did not penetrate deeply into the person’s personality, did not solve his important tasks, and did not ensure the satisfaction of true needs.
And it happens this way: as if in a man there is some kind of big hole, a void. Most often, it is formed from a deficit of love and emotions in general, often it is formed from a deficit of meaning, from a deficit of one’s own value. But a person, as a rule, does not realize this emptiness.
This kind of emptiness is formed from several factors (together or separately), which, as a rule, take place in the child’s parental family.
How does criticism of parents affect the formation of love addiction? 1) Constant criticism, attempts to show the child that his place in the family is the last, no one asks him, the lack of sufficient attention to him.