Conflictology of family life
Causes of Family Conflicts
Many family problems did not arise yesterday. Incomplete families, divorces, marital conflicts, problems of loneliness existed in the past, but did not attract such close attention.
In addition, the man himself has become more demanding in love, in spiritual intimacy and understanding, sex
But everyone has their own paths to happiness. Marriage does not guarantee a person complete happiness, the resolution of all problems at once. Marriage is building relationships with a spouse, children, relatives every day. The process of building relationships at the beginning of a joint life is especially important, that is, mutual adaptation is necessary. The adaptation period is a mandatory stage in the formation of a family. It can last for years or be short. Much depends on the desire, on the ability to go towards each other.
Adaptation of spouses involves psychological and emotional closeness, establishing contact between all family members, defining rules for communication and hostel.
It has already been said that people in families strive to satisfy the needs for love, children, understanding, etc. Most people take marriage seriously. They hope to live a long and happy life together.
But why do not everyone manage to save the family? Why do conflicts arise? Why are quarrels and misunderstanding growing?
We will try to answer these questions in this chapter.
All people are different, and, as everyone knows, everyone has a different attitude towards love. Some understand love as sexual intimacy, others as spiritual intimacy with a dear person, friend. Many put personal needs first and seek to use a husband or wife as a means of satisfying them. Such love is marked by consumerism. In normal families, spouses devote their lives to each other and children, strive to bring joy to a loved one, and not to upset anyone intentionally.
Young people often do not understand that the family is the ability and desire to give happiness to another person, the constant search for ways to maintain relationships and love. It is unfortunate when resentments have already filled the cup of patience and nothing can be returned.
How do conflicts arise?
Conflict is a clash of opposing opinions, views, interests and needs. Each of us will be able to identify several reasons that cause frequent conflicts in the family:
• different views on family life;
• unmet needs and empty expectations;
• drunkenness of one of the spouses;
• disrespectful attitude towards each other;
• unwillingness to participate in raising children;
• domestic disorder;
• disrespect for relatives;
• unwillingness to help around the house;
• differences in spiritual interests;
• inconsistency of temperaments;
• jealousy, etc.
These are far from all the causes of conflicts in the family. Most often there are several reasons, and the latter is not the main one. Conflicts can be divided into two types depending on their resolution.
Creative – represents a certain patience in relations with each other, endurance and rejection of insults, humiliation; search for the causes of the conflict; mutual readiness for dialogue, efforts to change existing relations. Bottom line: friendly relations between spouses are being established, communication is becoming more constructive.
Destructive – represents insults, humiliation: the desire to “annoy”, to teach a lesson more, to blame others. Bottom line: mutual respect disappears, communication with each other turns into a duty, often unpleasant.
It is worth recognizing that most devastating conflicts arise through the fault of women. More often than men, they strive to do “in spite”, “revenge”, “to teach a lesson.” Men more often try to bring the conflict on a creative path, that is, find a constructive way out of a specific situation.
So, we will determine what is the basis for causing conflict in the family:
1. Unmet need for self-affirmation.
2. The desire of one or both spouses to realize in a marriage primarily personal needs (egotism).
3. Inability of spouses to communicate with each other, with relatives, friends and acquaintances, work colleagues.
4. Strongly developed material ambitions in one or both spouses.
5. Reluctance of one of the spouses to participate in housekeeping.
6. The presence of one or both spouses excessive self-esteem.
7. Unwillingness of one of the spouses to engage in raising children or divergence of views on methods of education.
8. Differences in the representations of spouses about the content of the roles of husband, wife, father, mother, head of family.
9. Misunderstanding as a result of unwillingness to engage in dialogue.
10. Different types of spouses’ temperament and inability to take into account the type of temperament.
11. Jealousy of one of the spouses.
12. Marital infidelity of one of the spouses.
13. Sexual coldness of one of the spouses.
14. Bad habits of one of the spouses and related consequences.
15. Special cases.