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Self-doubt: how to learn to love and respect yourself if you are a teenager?

“How to love yourself?” – ask such a question to the teenager and be sure – you will enter him into a stupor, as they obviously will not find the answer to this question. Let’s be honest – how many of us, at our puberty, thought we were beautiful when we looked in the mirror? Yes, of course, we can say that external beauty is not the main thing, what is important is what is inside. But please tell me, who cares when you are 15 years old and looking at your reflection, all that you feel is hatred? You hate your nose, eyes, the whole face as a whole, hair, clothes, etc. And add to this the first love, which is often aimed at the first stars of the school … As a result: complete disappointment in everyone (in yourself first of all), the desire to change yourself (very often unsuccessfully) and the finishing touch – conflicts with loved ones who want to sincerely help child, but due to lack of information can not do this.

From the point of view of psychology, the question: “How to learn to love and respect yourself?” An adult cannot always answer, what can we say about children. The ideal solution to the problem in this case is a frank conversation with the child, to find out the true cause of the problem. It is very important at this moment, in no case, not to criticize the child, not to laugh at his problem, no matter how trifling it may seem to you. If, however, the problem turned out to be much more complicated than you expected, you should seek the help of a specialist for advice on this issue.
A good cheat sheet, along the path of self-acceptance is the book of the famous American social psychologist – Philip Zimbardo “How to overcome shyness?” The book itself consists of two parts: theoretical and practical. The theoretical part reveals to the reader the reasons for shyness. All of them are written in an accessible, understandable language, which distinguishes this work very favorably among the rest, without causing a desire to check Google every second.

Working on his book “How to overcome shyness?” Philip Zimbardo, suggested choosing a method of dealing with shyness, based on the reason for its occurrence. Thanks to such an analysis, it is much easier, and most importantly more effective, to develop tactics for dealing with internal indecision. In his book, two causes of shyness are suggested:

Congenital shyness – simply put, it all depends on your temperament. Hot-tempered choleric and cheerful sanguine shyness is not peculiar. This can not be said about not too emotional phlegmatic, as well as sad melancholy. Nevertheless, it is fair to note that choleric people can also be prone to bouts of modesty. Such outbreaks are isolated, often before an important event in the life of the child. In this case, the best way to overcome shyness is to support him. It is necessary to assure him of his own strength in conjunction with competent motivation.
Social aspect – contains a few sub-items that are tied to only one thing – a model of family behavior. In this case, the cause of shyness will be hidden in the upbringing and the environment where the child grew up. A perfect example is a situation where in a family they shake over the child, controlling his whole life, in all areas. Yes, it would seem, at first glance, what’s wrong with being worried about you, trying to protect you from the hardships that await you on your life path. Nobody says that custody is bad, it’s about hyper-custody, when parents disregard the opinion and choice of their child. As a result, we get a notorious child, closed in himself, not wanting to make contact with other representatives of society.
In the second part of Philip Zimbardo’s book “How to Overcome Shyness,” practical tips are given on how to learn to love and respect yourself, the key element of which is self-love.

The author will justify his methods by the fact that only a person who loves himself can be confident in himself. He will not be afraid to make new acquaintances, conduct dialogues, and if he makes a mistake, he will be able to find its cause, the field of which will successfully neutralize.

His key tips are three:

love yourself, despite all the shortcomings;
the need to develop communication skills;
the realization that everyone has the right to make a mistake.
The cornerstone of almost all techniques to combat shyness is self-love. It is scientifically proven that a person who begins to believe in his own strength automatically becomes more confident. He is no longer afraid to express his opinion, even if it does not coincide with the opinion of the majority; less and less afraid to seem ridiculous.

To combat shyness in children, an essential element is to improve communication skills. This applies to both peers and older people. Teach your child to articulate their thoughts. It will be obligatory to explain that in communication with others (regardless of age) you can not touch on topics that will be unpleasant for your interlocutor. You can’t be rude – simply put, behave according to etiquette of communication.

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