“How can this be? I did everything for him! Who was he when we met? Yes, he didn’t know how to relate the two words, I even helped graduate from the institute, and how many times I corrected his mistakes in life, how many times I helped find a way out of conflicts at work, with relatives, acquaintances! And he … ”Before me sits a woman who is certainly smart, beautiful, well-groomed, with good taste. And very angry and resentful eyes.
There are thousands of such stories. Women are sure that they did the best for husbands: they shared their experience, helped to grow up, supported in difficulties, instilled a taste, opened the door to a world of more subtle feelings – the list can be continued as long as you like. And he, for example, lost interest in her over time. Started a mistress. I went to another – and there may be a list of variations. The bottom line is that he did not appreciate all that she gave him, did not repay devotion and fidelity, did not thank even in words. Sad ending, but absolutely logical. Let’s see why.
Science is trying to introduce to us the idea, supported by research and statistics that girls grow up Continue reading
In fact, nothing happens. Many often confuse the cause and the cause of the conflict.
Really, any “trifle” can become a reason – he did not call from work, which is delayed, although there was no thought in his thoughts and hiding. Or she did not prepare dinner for his arrival, although she promised. He is unhappy that she “as luck would have” wore his unloved dress on the corporate party. She is indignant at the fact that he vowed many times to fix the crane, and did not. You can continue for a long time.
Anyone can say: “Well, nothing happened! No one betrayed, didn’t change, didn’t leave, didn’t set up …. “Yes, that’s it. But let’s look not at a reason, but at a reason. Continue reading
Sometimes the stories of couples who are on the verge of a divorce begin with proud words – “we lived in perfect harmony for two years and never quarreled, but then, unexpectedly …”. Those who are alone tormented by doubts about the future also touch on this topic: “we have continuous family conflicts, perhaps the only way out is to leave.”
And there are completely radical options: as soon as a semblance of a quarrel arises, one of the couple is ready to immediately slam the door and leave. Sometimes forever. Without trying to resolve conflicts in a relationship. Because in the minds of many quarrels are something that should not be in family life, otherwise it cannot be considered either “successful”, “successful” or even “normal”. The popular picture of the constantly pouring molasses on both sides, it turns out, is terribly tenacious. And alas, it is very destructive.
There is another extreme. When people don’t even wonder “how to build a dialogue?” When they resigned themselves to swearing. Such couples are already tired of posing as a happy family, and now Continue reading
When he’s not around, I just can’t breathe! I do not know what to do, all my thoughts are occupied by him and only him! Sometimes, when we see each other – I’m as if on top of bliss, feelings overwhelm me, it’s a delight! But I have so little of it!
I have tantrums, yes. He leaves again – everything repeats again, I feel bad, hard, sometimes shakes me, I can’t sleep normally. And all life is like a swing, now up and down. I’m very tired….
… When she is nearby – I just have a surge of energy, a fountain of enthusiasm, I can do anything, I’m ready to roll mountains! But as soon as she is not around – weakness, apathy, lethargy, I do not want anything. I constantly think about her. And even when I know that we will not see each other today, I continue to fantasize how good it would be if we spent this evening together …
And sometimes, when she is nearby – it suddenly seems to me that the feelings have passed, and I begin Continue reading
Karl Whitaker will remain in the history of family therapy one of her most “avant-garde” classics: brilliant and controversial, sometimes shockingly harsh, prone to mysterious aphorisms that have been interpreted and borrowed for many years. In this book, the reader will find specific working methods, vivid cases from practice and, more importantly, ideas that help to better understand not only their clients, but also their own professional and family history.
The book is addressed to everyone who in their work is connected with family issues: consultants, school and clinical psychologists and, of course, psychotherapists.
IN THE MIDNIGHT Flicker Continue reading